Friday, February 6, 2015

I used 2 think: That my little sister would always be there.

I used 2 think
That my little sister would always be there.

As this past summer wound down, once again we didn't make it over for a swim, I thought
Next summer.
As the Christmas season approached in all its busyness, I thought
Next week.
As I would help people who have disabilities, I'd see things for my sister and think,
Next month.
Every time I sing a song to the little boy in my house, remember singing to my sister and think,
Next visit.
Then she took her last breathe.
No longer here,
To swim with
To walk with
To learn with
To sing with.
Yet I know, that whenever I do these things
My little sister will always be here
In my heart.
 

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

that i'd always have something to say

i used 2 think
that i'd always have something to say

my grandfather lovingly called me chatterbox
and i happily lived up to the name.


reflecting on 2013 i see
no word were spoken here

they were buried beneath
the weight of emotions

so strong i couldn't 
speak and share

the year is ending
i am here

i think now
i have something to say












Sunday, May 12, 2013

that there was a fight to win

When i started this journey
each challenge i faced
looked like a fight.
And i thought that 
when the fight was won
that it was over.

Then in a few months
or maybe a year later - 
Perhaps with different players
or a different arena
but in essence really the same fight
the fight i had already won.

i started to feel like
this isn't a fight to win
this is a fight to survive.
My warrior sword was growing heavy
my dearest comrades
no longer at my side.

i earnestly thought 
about laying it all down.
Save myself.
Everyone would understand 
i looked at the road ahead
there was no fight left in me

Then the moment i decided to
give up
let go
My heart grew heavy
i knew i couldn't live with
myself without that puzzle piece.

Slowly i began to see
how many friends
New and old
are standing with me
i realized this isn't a battle to win
this is my lifelong crusade.










Monday, November 12, 2012

that autism isolates

This is the handout we gave to flight attendants and fellow travellers.
Autism
isolates us
but if you let it
Autism
connects us
Proudly show
our blue puzzle piece
Conversations start
a cousin
a brother
a son
autism
Those who know
understand 
how hard 
this journey is
Autism 
up in the air
here I find
understanding 
compassion
Autism
connects us
if you let it

Sunday, October 28, 2012

That I knew the magic formula

I used to think
That I knew the magic formula 
for successful marriages/relationships
Love, time together, communicate..

Divorce rates are high
Families whose children have special needs,
their rates are even higher rates!
I've already been a static once.

So as I walked 
through the journey of fostering
with the man I'd known half my life
I thought we could make it.

Love
- got that one covered
Make time for each other
- well, when there was time left..
Communicate 
- yup. I talked, he listened..
And when things weren't working
- head to counselling

But nothing I did or tried could change
his not wanting to be a dad to a kid with autism.
Perhaps it was an excuse to not commit
but the reason he gave still stings.

So 4 yrs after becoming a parent 
I sit here single and look around 
at couples (with kids with ASD) who are together
 and they didn't follow the magic formula!

So what's your secret?
Please share so I can find the right formula!
Or maybe there isn't one...
How each family makes it work IS the magic.


Tuesday, October 9, 2012

that i only wrote sad poetry

Almost two decades of 
bright paintings
when I was happy,
sad poetry 
when I was melancholy.
Now, it seems, 
things have changed.
Clinging to 
the new me.
so I share.


Sunday, October 7, 2012

That doing more meant having more

Hard work
work more hours
take on more
work harder
work longer
take on more

That was me.
It meant 
accomplishing more
having more
getting further.

Lately I've worked less
but I have more.
More happiness
more joy
more laughter
more love

I have a boy who
smiles more
we tickle more
we hug more
we enjoy life more.

Now I'm not suggesting
living in a tent on the beach,
(although the thought has crossed my mind)
there are still bills to be paid,
but sometimes doing less
means having more.