I used 2 think that I was superwoman,
that I could do it all:
• Work as a behaviour interventionist for kids with autism
• Support, advocate and fundraise for families.
• Run a home-based business.
• Survive being married and divorced before 25, then settle down for "Take 2" before turning 30.
• Finish my degree.
• Travel the globe.
• Be a painter/artist/writer
• Have time to enjoy life, spending it with family and great friends.
Then in 2008 I added:
• Foster a young child with autism.
And for a while I thought I could be superwoman.
Maybe some people think that I am.
But by my standards I've failed.
Please don't try to cheer me up by arguing this.
When I started fostering I thought I knew what I was getting in to.
After all I'd:
• grown up with a sister who has special needs.
• worked since 2000 in families' homes, teaching skills to their children with autism.
• seen kids make great gains with intervention.
• done weekend respite for years, even with several children.
• seen challenging behaviours and tough situations.
So it wouldn't be that much different, right? Right!?!
I use to think that I was superwoman, that I could do it all..
And then along came a boy who has taught me about the world, about others, about myself.
If I had known that I couldn't be the iconic figure would I have chosen to foster?
So now I've leaned that if I'm going to be anything close to superwoman, I better modify my list! I can't do it all perfectly, but I can do a few things well.
Would any parent choose to have children if they knew the challenges ahead?
Most parents chose to be parents, but the part about their child having autism (or any special needs) gets thrown in.
For parents there is no choice, not really.
I knew this child had autism, and yet still I chose…
But my heart tells me that's not how it was.
It wasn't really a choice.
I saw a boy who needed help, and so I stepped forward.
I didn't choose.
He, this life, it chose me.
This realization and acceptance leaves me in a reflective place. I decided to share this because, well, selfishly it's therapeutic. And perhaps as I share my realizations, you may gleam something about the world of autism, parenting children with special needs, or being a behaviour interventionist. Or perhaps you know me, and are curious to read about your part in all of this!
Amanda,
ReplyDeleteI think the need to "modify one's list" is a realization all parents come to. While I cannot claim to really know the challenges that come with parenting a child with special needs, I do know that parenting well, even typical children, is hard. It is life's greatest challenge. Before you have kids, you don't know that. And while living it.... that moment when you realize that "I can't do it all perfectly, but I can do a few things well," is one that can help maintain your sanity. ;-) Good post, keep it up!
AND - you have always done, and continue to do, MANY things well! And if your little guy could tell you, you know he would think you do them "perfectly."
ReplyDeleteaww thanks :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you made this statement about parenting. I left it open, hoping someone would connect the dots and see the similarities :) I think I knew that I was taking on the autism, but I didn't fully understand that I was also taking on mothering (single parenting). Having spent the majority of my time with families who have children with special needs, I hadn't really seen parenting in a 'typical' house. It has been the connections I have made mostly in the last year with Discovery Toys, that has helped me see that my challenges are similar to those all mothers / parents go through. It's life :)