That love was something you gave.

I used 2 think That love was something you gave.

By speaking my love language 

my tank would be full, 

and I would have love to give.

I used to think that others give love,

but if they didn't fill my bucket, 

then my bucket would then be empty!

That you give your heart to the person of your dreams, 

But if that doesn't work as planned 

your heart is broken.

Now what?

Some respond with

I am afraid to love again.

What is love? 

Google it and you will find a million answers.

But the answer to the search is found within.

What is love?

My response. 

Love is.

Love is like the light that is all around us.

Sometimes I see it , sometimes I feel it

I always know that it is there.

If I give it I won't have any less.

If I don't feel it at times

that doesn't mean it isn't there.

Now I think that love is 

and I chose to receive 

and to share.

"You will ever only have two choices: love or fear. Choose love and don’t ever let fear turn you against your playful heart.” Jim Carey

I used 2 think: That my little sister would always be there.

I used 2 think

That my little sister would always be there.

As this past summer wound down, once again we didn't make it over for a swim, I thought

Next summer.

As the Christmas season approached in all its busyness, I thought

Next week.

As I would help people who have disabilities, I'd see things for my sister and think,

Next month.

Every time I sing a song to the little boy in my house, remember singing to my sister and think,

Next visit.

Then she took her last breathe.

No longer here,

To swim with

To walk with

To learn with

To sing with.

Yet I know, that whenever I do these things

My little sister will always be here

In my heart.

 

that i'd always have something to say

i used 2 think

that i'd always have something to say

my grandfather lovingly called me chatterbox

and i happily lived up to the name.

reflecting on 2013 i see

no word were spoken here

they were buried beneath

the weight of emotions

so strong i couldn't 

speak and share

the year is ending

i am here

i think now

i have something to say

that there was a fight to win

When i started this journey
each challenge i faced
looked like a fight.
And i thought that 

when the fight was won
that it was over.

Then in a few months
or maybe a year later - 
Perhaps with different players
or a different arena
but in essence really the same fight
the fight i had already won.

i started to feel like

this isn't a fight to win
this is a fight to survive.

My warrior sword was growing heavy
my dearest comrades

no longer at my side.

i earnestly thought 

about laying it all down.
Save myself.

Everyone would understand 

i looked at the road ahead

there was no fight left in me

Then the moment i decided to

give up

let go

My heart grew heavy

i knew i couldn't live with

myself without that puzzle piece.

Slowly i began to see
how many friends

New and old
are standing with me
i realized this isn't a battle to win

this is my lifelong crusade.

that autism isolates

This is the handout we gave to flight attendants and fellow travellers.

Autism

isolates us

but if you let it

Autism

connects us

Proudly show

our blue puzzle piece

Conversations start

a cousin

a brother

a son

autism

Those who know

understand 

how hard 

this journey is

Autism 

up in the air

here I find

understanding 

compassion

Autism

connects us

if you let it

That I knew the magic formula

I used to think

That I knew the magic formula 

for successful marriages/relationships

Love, time together, communicate..

Divorce rates are high

Families whose children have special needs,

their rates are even higher rates!

I've already been a static once.

So as I walked 

through the journey of fostering

with the man I'd known half my life

I thought we could make it.

Love

- got that one covered

Make time for each other

- well, when there was time left..

Communicate 

- yup. I talked, he listened..

And when things weren't working

- head to counselling

But nothing I did or tried could change

his not wanting to be a dad to a kid with autism.

Perhaps it was an excuse to not commit

but the reason he gave still stings.

So 4 yrs after becoming a parent 

I sit here single and look around 

at couples (with kids with ASD) who are together

 and they didn't follow the magic formula!

So what's your secret?

Please share so I can find the right formula!

Or maybe there isn't one...

How each family makes it work IS the magic.

that i only wrote sad poetry

Almost two decades of 

bright paintings

when I was happy,

sad poetry 

when I was melancholy.

Now, it seems, 

things have changed.

Clinging to 

the new me.

so I share.